Lesson time 16:55 min
Erotic energy is not just for the bedroom. In this lesson, Esther reframes eroticism so it applies to all relationships and shows how curiosity can deepen intimacy in all areas of your life.
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Topics include: Identify Eroticism in Relationships • Start With an Intention • Get Curious: Ask Better Questions • Get Curious: Learn Not-So-Small Talk • Communicate Your Intention With Tone and Body Language • Invite Vulnerability • Try This Essential Practice: Take the Lead • Make One Change
[MUSIC PLAYING] ESTHER PEREL: Everybody understands a relationship that isn't dead, a relationship that is surviving. But it lacks energy. It lacks intensity. It just is gasping. And everyone understands a relationship that is alive, that is vibrant, that is energetic, that is creative, that is imaginative, that is playful, that is generative. All of that is erotic. And I can invite you to look at the important relationships in your life, personal and professional, and ask yourself which ones of my relationship are truly erotic? [MUSIC PLAYING] For me, eroticism is a quality of aliveness, of vibrancy, of vitality, a life force. This is much more the mystical sense of the word, erotic, than any sexual meaning that modernity has attributed to it. Which are the relationships where you feel most alive, where you feel playful, that are generative-- meaning that they bring things out of you, they're emergent relationships? And which ones are relationships that actually sap your energy, that you feel that you're just basically trying to survive in them? Everyone knows the difference between surviving and thriving. And those two are very essential descriptions of relationships. [MUSIC PLAYING] People ask me, how do you bring erotic energy to my relationships? How do I infuse my relationships with that aliveness, with that vibrancy? You start with an intention. And the intention is I've been thinking about us. And I realized that it's been a while since we talked more deep, since we just put our phones down. And we really focused on each other, since we dreamt together, since we talked not just about every day, long list of to-dos, since we've kind of been inquisitive and curious about each other as people. And you start by saying, I believe that one of the best ways we can reconnect is by talking about our longing and our yearning for something that once was a strong connection. And you just start with that. And you talk from a place of openness and invitation and not from a place of we never talk anymore. That is a place with that says, and that's because of you. Or we never have time for each other. And is that really a we or is that you don't have time for me? So the real truth about reconnecting is the true intention of reconnecting. And that means you need to do the connecting and not complain about the disconnection. So what kinds of initiatives? Something new, something that takes the relationship outside of its comfort zone. And what specifically is not nearly as interesting. Because for every relationship, something that is new and more risky is different. Depends where you've held yourself until now. So you look at your relationship and you ask yourself, what's something that I've been wanting to do and we haven't done? What's something different that we could do together? What's a conversation that we've never had? What's an activity that we've never shared? So it c...
About the Instructor
Known for her innovative approach to love and relationships, Esther Perel is sharing her methods for building deeper connections with every person in your life. Whether it’s with your partner or project manager, you’ll learn how rethinking the basic principles of intimacy, communication, and trust can improve the quality of your life in the bedroom, boardroom, and beyond.
Featured Masterclass Instructor
Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel teaches you the power—and the art—of connecting with others.Explore the Class