Attunement: Finding Common Ground

Daniel Pink

Lesson time 14:47 min

To persuade effectively, you need to get inside the head of your counterpart and understand their perspective. Learn how to attune yourself to their state of mind and cultivate a meaningful connection.

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Topics include: Perspective-Taking · Decrease Your Power to Increase Your Effectiveness · Use Your Head as Much as Your Heart · Use Emotions as a Signal · Remember the Empty Chair


[00:00:00.00] [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] [00:00:01.65] - To be more persuasive, we need to attune ourselves to others. [00:00:10.56] Attunement is very simple. It's taking someone else's perspective, seeing the world through their eyes rather than through your own eyes. [00:00:18.66] Attunement is so important today because in any kind of persuasive encounter, we have very little course of power. We can't force people to do things. We can't force people to do things in the marketplace. [00:00:30.94] Even inside of organizations, even if you're the big boss, it's hard to force people to do things. So the way that we are going to be able to move people is to find common ground, to understand where they're coming from, fashion a solution that works for you and that works for them. [00:00:47.84] [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] [00:00:53.83] I want you to try an exercise with me. I'm going to give you three very simple instructions. You are to follow these instructions. Please don't overthink these instructions. It's all very safe. No one is going to be harmed. [00:01:07.06] So instruction number 1-- identify your dominant hand. Are you right-handed or left-handed? I happen to be right-handed. So this is my dominant hand. [00:01:14.83] Now, with your dominant hand, snap your fingers five times very quickly. Here we go-- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. [00:01:24.36] Now, the third thing-- with your pointer finger, your index finger, on your forehead, draw for me a capital E. [00:01:40.16] Now, there are two different ways I could have drawn the E. I could draw it like this, facing me. I could draw it like this, facing you. If I drew the E so I can read it, I'm taking my own perspective. If I draw the E so you can read it, I'm taking your perspective. [00:01:57.71] What scientists do is they use this exercise to reveal what works in perspective-taking and what doesn't work in perspective-taking. What you want to do is you want to take the other person's perspective. You want to see the world through their eyes. And the reason for that is that if you take their perspective, you're more likely to see where they're coming from, understand what they're saying-- in some ways, honor their point of view. [00:02:21.14] It's a powerful, powerful skill. But it's not something we're that great at naturally. However, it's something we can learn how to do far more effectively. [00:02:30.53] [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] [00:02:31.40] Knowing how to take someone else's perspective and actually doing it will allow you to become a better persuader. That's because you'll understand where the person is coming from. [00:02:49.64] Go back to that "E" exercise for a moment. When scientists have used that exercise, but first made people feel powerful, say, by going through your resume, saying, wow, you're such an accomplished person, wow, that's a big budget that you're in control of, how many people do you have reporting to you-- subtle manipulations to increase their feelings of power-- people are mo...

About the Instructor

With four NYT bestsellers, Daniel Pink is an influential voice in the evolving landscape of sales and motivation. Now the author of To Sell Is Human teaches you science-backed principles for effective and ethical sales and persuasion. Learn tactics for achieving better outcomes in any interaction—at home or at work—and tools for framing your message, navigating cognitive biases, and pitching ideas, products, or yourself.

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Daniel Pink

NYT-bestselling author Daniel Pink shares a science-based approach to the art of persuading, selling, and motivating yourself and others.

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