Keeping Desire Alive
Lesson time 20:19 min
Learn about the connection between chemistry and attraction and how to keep the desire alive by adding variety to your sex life.
Students give MasterClass an average rating of 4.7 out of 5 stars
Topics include: Sex Begets Sex • Increase Sexual Energy • The Lost Art of Kissing • The Connection Between Arousal and Intimacy
[00:00:00.00] NARRATOR: This class contains mature content. Viewer discretion is advised. [00:00:10.66] [THEME MUSIC] [00:00:17.13] - One of the most common challenges that couples face is something that is called "mismatch libidos," or "desire discrepancy." And that essentially means that there's always going to be someone in the relationship who wants sex more often than the other partner. So typically, the person who wants sex more is constantly trying to have sex. Like, you get home from work, you're like, hey, let's have sex tonight. Are we going to have sex? Loads of it. [00:00:41.18] Nope. They're shutting you down. No, no. Tired. No. Whatever it is. [00:00:44.85] So then the person who wants it more feels rejected. Sometimes they feel rejected, they feel not lovable. They feel like you don't care about them. [00:00:52.08] And it starts this cycle of rejection because you don't know-- because all you know is your partner wants sex. They love you. And you want it too, but not right now. [00:00:59.40] So the person who doesn't want sex all the time, the lower desire, is like, oh my god. Everyone else must want sex, and something's wrong with me. And, why am I broken? [00:01:08.36] Or, I'm a bad lover. I'm a bad partner. You know? And we're all fucking just walking around feeling really bad, really bad, about how we are sexual beings. And that's because no one's talking about it. [00:01:22.34] In a lot of long-term relationships, just come to expect that your libido is going to wax and wane over time. Sometimes, you'll feel like you want sex more often than other times. And then there's even phases of attraction. [00:01:37.75] We all love the lust phase. That's, like, the best phase, right? That's the "honeymoon phase," as we call it. And the "honeymoon phase" typically lasts anywhere from, like-- biologically speaking, six months to 18 months. Like a year and a half. [00:01:55.08] And in this phase, we feel that lust. Like, that-- that chemistry, the attraction, like we can't get enough. We can't stop having sex with each other. [00:02:07.75] This is the phase-- they actually looked at the brainwave patterns of people who were falling in love or lust in this phase. It was the same as somebody who was on cocaine, because that's what's happening! We're like, the drugs! [00:02:20.34] Those love drugs are all matched, and we're excited, and it feels great. And we're like, oh my god, there's nothing wrong with this person. Everything's amazing, and the sex, and-- you can't stay high all the time, right? You can't always stay up here. [00:02:34.37] It's gonna come down a little bit, and then it's gonna-- you're not gonna feel like ripping your partner's clothes off the second they walk in the door. You might first wait and have dinner, or ask them how their day was. Because it changes over time. That's not sustainable. [00:02:50.74] It doesn't mean that you don't love your partner, you're not attracted to ...
About the Instructor
The host of the long-running podcast Sex With Emily has made it her mission to normalize the conversation around sex and share her judgment-free approach to discovering a more pleasure-focused sex life. In her MasterClass, she helps you learn how to identify what you want, communicate your desires, and discover new sexual adventures. Pleasure is your birthright—it’s time to talk more about sex.
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In her MasterClass, Emily Morse empowers you to talk openly about sex and discover greater sexual satisfaction.Explore the Class