Exercise: Mirroring and Labeling

Chris Voss

Lesson time 6:37 min

How does a conversation about escape room games lead to deep insights into someone’s character? Chris demonstrates how by using two key negotiation techniques: mirroring and labeling.

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Topics include: Exercise: Mirroring and Labeling


[MUSIC PLAYING] - So this is a really exciting thing for me to do. I've never done this before, but I'm going to bring you in to show you how to negotiate in real time with Pam joining me as my counterpart. Pam is a very talented actor who's going to join me in the mock negotiations and scenarios. So in a minute, I'm going to get you to talk about something you're passionate about. And it doesn't matter what you're passionate about. It could be New Jersey. It could be cooking. It could be travel. It could be selling mortgages, but something that resonates with you. - OK. - Now, when we get started, all I'm going to do is the two skills I'm just going to use. First it's just going to be a label, which is it sounds like, it seems like, or you sound or you seem. It's just a verbal observation. And the other's going to be a mirror. Mirror's kind of a crazy technique. I'm going to repeat the last three words of what you just said. PAM: OK. - And when I do that, if you feel like talking some more, then talk some more. If you don't, then don't. PAM: OK. - But whatever I say, just react how it makes you feel. So have you thought of something you're passionate about? - Uh huh. - What are you passionate about? - Escape room games. - What is it about escape room games that makes you passionate? - They are so fun to do with friends, and they're immersive. It's, like, such an immersive experience. And it challenges your mind. - It challenges your mind? - Yeah, yeah, because when you go in, if you know what an escape room is, you have 60 minutes to get out, right? And so there's this series of different puzzles that you have to solve in order to get out. - Sounds like you like mental challenges. - Yeah, I do. I do when it comes to that, that it's puzzles and fun and then you're kind of cooperating and doing them together. And you're also in this immersive experience. So it's as if you're in the mystery movie or if you're in the play. You're part of the play. - It sounds like you like drama. - Maybe I do like drama. I guess I like the suspense of it. I guess maybe I do like drama. - But it also sounds like you really like people. - I do, I do. I like to spend time with my friends, and I like working together with them in escape rooms. And the other thing that's kind of interesting about them is that if you have someone who's never done one before and then they come with your group, you're like, this is going to be so fun for you, and you try to make it the best experience for that person so that they enjoy them too. - You sound like you really like to help people. - I guess so. I never really thought about it like that, but I guess I do. I guess I do like to help-- - It sounds like-- - Not like I'm a terrible person who's so selfish, but-- - You sound like a really loyal person too. - Aw. That's nice to say. I think people say-- my friends do say that about m...

About the Instructor

As an FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss persuaded terrorists, bank robbers, and kidnappers to see things his way. Now he’s teaching you his field-tested strategies to help you in everyday negotiations, whether you’re aiming to improve your salary, the service you receive, or your relationships. Get stronger communication skills, game-changing insights into human nature, and more of what you want out of life.

Featured Masterclass Instructor

Chris Voss

Former FBI lead hostage negotiator Chris Voss teaches you communication skills and strategies to help you get more of what you want every day.

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