Lesson time 10:49 min
The way you say something during a negotiation is as important as the words you choose. Chris explores how you can use tone and inflection to your advantage and shares his top tips for online communication.
[MUSIC PLAYING] - So why is how you say something so important to a negotiation? Well, the reality is, your inner voice betrays your outer voice. I might say to you, that was a good question, and my voice says that I thought your question was stupid. Or I could say, that was a good question. Or even with how am I supposed to do that? I could say, how am I supposed to do that? You know, my tone of voice is saying, you idiot. But I can say, how am I supposed to do that? My tone of voice is saying, look, I'm trying. I want to help. I just can't do that. I'm not fighting you. I'll do whatever I can do. I can't do that. Your voice, your deliveries, speaks volumes. It conveys deference. Everybody loves deference. It conveys genuine curiosity. It conveys collaboration. I mean, your voice alone can be such an art. When I was teaching hostage negotiation, I knew a hostage negotiator might not even say the right things. If they had a great voice, we were probably going to be all right. Flip side, they could have all the techniques down. If they sounded like a robot, they were going to be horrible. You can say the perfect words, and if you say them like you think the other person is stupid, or a robot, and you're tone of voice you're going to destroy your word selection. [MUSIC PLAYING] If you can see me, or if you can hear me, I can hit the mirror neurons in your brain. To find angry, I'm going to hit your mirror neurons you're going to get angry to. It's an involuntary response. If I'm talking with you, and I use the late night, FM, DJ voice, I've hit your mirror neurons, and I've slowed your brain down. That was the default voice for hostage negotiators. We were taught to use a late night, FM, DJ voice with every bank robber, or kidnapper, or terrorist. We knew to calm them down. We didn't know why. We didn't care. We knew that was a law of gravity, calm the other side down. It tamped down their emotions. So if I need you to calm down, I can't say calm down. It's an order. You're going to hate that. But I hit you with a late night, FM, DJ voice, I might even smile while I'm at it. Smile when you talk to people. Trigger their mirror neurons in a positive way. Make them smarter. Make yourself smart at the same time. Don't allow yourself to be held hostage over whether or not they like you, and you'll increase your ability to make deals by hitting their mirror neurons, calming them down, soothing them, and then making them feel like you're worthy of collaboration simply by smiling at them. [MUSIC PLAYING] So, there's basically three different tones of voice combined with two inflections. The fight guy, the assertive that's my natural born type. You know we think of ourselves as direct and honest. You know, we're blunt. Let's say, for example, that my price for a given product was $35,000. And I'd say, the price for our product is $35,000. That's the assertive's tone of voice. I mean, I'm just saying it to you. I'm being direc...
As an FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss persuaded terrorists, bank robbers, and kidnappers to see things his way. Now he’s teaching you his field-tested strategies to help you in everyday negotiations, whether you’re aiming to improve your salary, the service you receive, or your relationships. Get stronger communication skills, game-changing insights into human nature, and more of what you want out of life.
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Former FBI lead hostage negotiator Chris Voss teaches you communication skills and strategies to help you get more of what you want every day.Explore the Class
Wonderful presentation. I didn't realize that asking why makes the other defensive. I liked the reframing of how and what. Great examples. Thank you!
This class was excellent. It reinforced things I had been doing and shed light on new negotiating strategies I'd never thought of. The role playing was super helpful. I'm excited to try these new tactics.
I can possible negotiate w/ my son who is great at it
Excellent. I had listened to Voss's audiobook Never Split the Difference which as excellent, however being able to hear from him directly and see the role plays during the masterclass was an even better experience.