Lesson time 10:22 min
Mirroring is one of the most simple yet effective techniques in any negotiator’s repertoire. Through simple repetition, Chris demonstrates how you can gather vital information in a negotiation and put your counterpart at ease.
- So the common misconception about negotiation is that you have to make your case. You have to make your argument. You need to come prepared with the reasons why the other side should make the deal, your value proposition. If you will, and need to lay all that out. That is not the case. You need to find out what's possible, and you need to engage the other side in what their thoughts are so that they feel involved in the process, and consequently they want the deal to happen. So what I'm going to teach you with mirrors and a section on mirroring is how to use mirrors to get the other side engaged, to get them to feel like they're involved, and also to tease out the information that you might not have had otherwise, pieces of information that are going to make all the difference in the world. And one of the sayings about negotiation is negotiation is the art of letting the other side have your way. So mirroring gets them talking and creates the opportunity for them actually to present you with your deal, only they thought it was their idea. So mirroring is critical in information gathering and in the art of letting the other side have your way. [MUSIC PLAYING] Mirroring. The hostage negotiator's mirroring. It's just the simple repetition of one to three words, one two three-ish words. Typically it's the last one to three words of what somebody said. But when you get good at mirroring, you could pick one to three words from anywhere in the conversation. The other person feels listened to. It tends to connect their thoughts in their head. Part of the message it sends to the other person is I heard every word you said word for word, and I'm proving it because I just repeated it back to you. But it's not enough. I still don't get it. And when people go on with a further explanation, they're going to add more words. They're going to change their terms. One of the things that's in the book "Never Split the Difference" was one time when my son mirrored me. We were getting ready for some training, and I asked him if the notebooks were ready. Now he sensed from the way I was asking it that the picture in his head of what a notebook was and the picture in my head of a notebook were two different things. And he said to me, what do you mean by notebooks? And all I did was say notebooks, louder. Same words exactly, only louder, which is what people often do because they think the words that they've selected are perfect. So how could you not understand? You know, I wasn't loud enough. And he asked me a couple times, what do you mean by notebooks? And I just said, notebooks. And finally he looked at me he said, notebooks? And I said yeah, three ring binders. He's like, ah, because he had a completely different picture in his head. And to this day, he will stand up and hold up a folder and say, this is a notebook, and this is a three ring binder, and they're not the same thing. But that's what happens. People go on. People ela...
As an FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss persuaded terrorists, bank robbers, and kidnappers to see things his way. Now he’s teaching you his field-tested strategies to help you in everyday negotiations, whether you’re aiming to improve your salary, the service you receive, or your relationships. Get stronger communication skills, game-changing insights into human nature, and more of what you want out of life.
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Former FBI lead hostage negotiator Chris Voss teaches you communication skills and strategies to help you get more of what you want every day.Explore the Class
Thoroughly enjoyed this class. The only thing I'd change is the mock negotiations. The actor was great but it's easy to give in when you have no real skin in the game.
One of the best classes I ever followed. Helpful for every aspect of life. Thank you so much. And Chris is a real badass!
Great class! learned a lot about negotiation
I learned that Chris Voss has a great Late-Night FM DJ voice .