Film & TV

Group Workshop: The Merc by Evelyn Yves

Aaron Sorkin

Lesson time 16:46 min

Evelyn's TV pilot kicks off a conversation about opening scenes and the importance of showing your audience something they've never seen before.

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Preview

Good afternoon, guys. It's good to see you again. We're going to start off with "The Merc." It's a one-hour pilot from Ellen [? Eaves. ?] Over black. Say you buy 1,000 shares of Coca-Cola from your client, each valued at $42? So that's 42 grand. Stock goes up to 43, 44, 45. Let's say it goes all the way up to 47, like it did last June. Fade in on flashes of skin, sex, top shelf bottles, lewds, nudes, and coke, cut into neat white lines on the bare stomach of a blue chip hooker, an almost super model. Your commission off that $5,000 profit is 1%. You just spent six months trying to make $50. And you have 100 other stocks and 100 other clients to worry about. But hey, that's Wall Street, right? A line zips through the coils of a $100 bill up the nostril and grinning face of a Wall Street stockbroker, who's pushed out of the way by more brokers just dying to get a hit. We pull back to see the full extent of this debauchery. Exterior, Battery Park marina, yacht, night. Three blue chips to every horny broker on 100 foot yacht cruising along the marina against the backdrop of the financial district and the World Trade Center. Title, Battery Park, New York, 1978. The only man lucid and taking advantage of their high is Andy Marks, 30, boyish Brooklyn charm and a sweet face that belies any trace of darkness or genius. In this crowd of suits, he's the only other jacket, out of place, but completely at ease. So let's say you convince your clients to bet on oil at the Merc, where you don't even have to worry about stockholders or a board of directors or the FCC. You get to drive the price up and down a million times over, and the only constant is that everybody, everybody, needs oil. Now, you're making 20% off $200,000. You made $200,000 in one morning? Yes. Bullshit. That's not what you said. This killjoy is David Bursar, 34, Lehman Brothers broker. Unbelievable good looks, money, a perfect storm of cocaine and self-loathing. What I said was-- Flash back to Wall Street, two months ago. A series of shots-- the street sign, the bull, the New York Stock Exchange. Interior Lehman brothers [? bullpen ?] day. Box-sized computers, index cards, telephone cords 10 feet long, all top of the line technology. In the midst of this chaos is David, unsettled, fixated on-- I made more money trading oil futures than I did my first three years combined. Nobody's trading oil. I am. And so can you. Cut to Merrill Lynch, day. Andy is now facing an uptight Merrill Lynch broker with a serious combover. All right, who else? Forget who else. You want the entire city to get [? on ?] this before you do? Interior, JP Morgan, different firm, different broker. This one has three chins and no neck. We have to see the contracts. I'll show you the contracts. But let me ask you this. What is your top priority as ...


Your script starts here.

Aaron Sorkin wrote his first movie on cocktail napkins. Those napkins turned into A Few Good Men, starring Jack Nicholson. Now, the Academy Award-winning writer of The West Wing and The Social Network is teaching screenwriting. In this class, you’ll learn his rules of storytelling, dialogue, character development, and what makes a script actually sell. By the end, you’ll write screenplays that capture your audience’s attention.



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Aaron's methods on stressing the importance of creating writing meant to be performed and not read was very vital. I loved seeing the real action of the writer's room with the five other writers. Hearing his feedback on their pitches and their scripts was amazing and then hearing him give his own pitch really cleared up the mystery of how to turn an idea for a movie or tv show into a reality.

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Comments

Wenna P.

Sounds like a lot of the model of her pilot was inspired by the second "wall street" film.

Ruth

I really appreciated Aaron's comments about dignity for the actor. During the read, I felt the indignity of the nameless character. Aaron made a good point and his comments model recognition that a show's production is a team effort.

Pashon T.

He has a remarkable way of delivering critical feedback that doesn't sound "harsh" and "negative". I think that's important for new writers.

Chad E.

It's great to listen in on these table readings. Great writing great dialog. Maybe technicalities aren't that important to the show.. I saw 1990's headlights and taillights on that 70's show. Just popped into my head that the Bull wasn't on Wall Street in the 70's

A fellow student

I have been disappointed by not being able to download the scripts, as the links suggest!

A fellow student

Does anyone have a screenplay who would be willing to help form a focus group? I've got a TV pilot I'm working on and would really appreciate the opportunity to share and receive feedback.

Judith M.

First I did like the dialogue between the traders, it sounded quite authentic. The police dialogue however felt a little stilted and too much of a caricature. I loved Evelyn,s ability to draw a scene visually in the mind, which is a nice bonus for anyone reading her scripts. You can visualize the traders easily as a varied group brought together by their work rather than friendships. The script also came across as heavily targeted at the male audience, and not because of the subject matter but because of the scene descriptions. Aaron was right in his suggestion of giving a clue to the viewer about the Merc (sadly that title to me means mercenary rather than the Mercantile Exchange). You could do a flashback to its heyday at the turn of the century and connection to agricultural trading with a fade or transition to your version of the 1978 American one, before the yacht scene. You might also want to double check the Oil-Gold ratio for that time period, because for most of 78-80 gold out performed oil due to the Iranian Revolution. There was no bear market in 1978, although there was a minor 4 month slump in the markets where you could have set this as an interesting movie idea. I suggest The History of Gold-Oil ratios: 1970-2018 by Mickey Full on kitco.com might be helpful. Brent crude oil futures were already being sold on the London Stock Exchange. Regardless of the minor errors though, I'd say you had an interesting idea, I hope it went well.

Maros M.

Even though it was a bit harder for me to follow, as I am not very familiar/interested in the stock exchange world, I still was able to feel being pulled in, by the dialogues which were plausible - believable and seemed real. That is my take away and also the desire to achieve goal - I liked her tenacity and will.

A fellow student

Gary Thomas, WA This phenomenon, the "merc" is brought out by this script. This should be interesting to a t.v. audience who knows very little about the "stock exchange." The merc deals in commodities, and oil is a commodity and so far a bone of contention. Andy's dad heads up the merc and Andy and his dad don't get along. Andy's mentor has a daughter .Corina, whom Andy digs. Our mentor, Aaron advises Miss Yves to hold off on the Wolf of Wall street venue until subsequent acts or scenes. Now, she is advised to tell us more about Andy and to explain why the merc is valuable to him

Giovanni T.

Very interesting feedback session. One question I am left with is: if someone doesn't have first-hand experience of a complicated environment such as stock exchange markets (but it can also apply to politics, technology and other fields) how can a writer, just from research, come up with characters able to plan their moves in surprising and unexpected ways that the other around them couldn't? Is the narrator's omniscience about the plot enough to overcome this obstacle? Do you make your main character (or your main villain?) the smarter around by making everybody else a little bit dumber?