Compare and Despair: How to Stop the Cycle of Comparison

The compare and despair mentality describes the impact of constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling as though you aren’t good enough. The compare and despair effect, primarily brought on by social media, can negatively impact a person’s self-esteem. There are millions of users on social media apps, and it can be easy to fall into a cycle of comparing your lifestyle to those of influencers and other users. Most users only share highlights on social media, exacerbating other users’ tendency to compare.

The compare and despair mindset can have damaging effects on your mental health. Constantly comparing your life to other people’s lives can lead you to feel the following:

1. 1. Inadequacy: If you’re operating with a compare and despair mentality, other people’s achievements may make you feel lesser than them. In reality, their achievements have nothing to do with your ability.
2. 2. Jealousy: Spending time comparing yourself to others rather than being happy in your present state can lead to feeling jealous of those around you.
3. 3. Overwhelm: It’s easy to feel overwhelmed if you’re constantly comparing your successes to others, especially if you don’t see any of the challenges they overcame to succeed.

There are several steps you can take to prevent compare and despair mentality. Use these guidelines:

1. 1. Be self-aware. A helpful tool when changing your mindset is self-awareness. Recognize when you’re feeling jealous and ask yourself why. Have self-compassion in these situations because it’s natural to compare yourself from time to time. If you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that everyone on social media is just a human being with their own struggles.
2. 2. Compare yourself to yourself. Instead of looking at other people’s achievements, reframe your comparison between your current self and your past self. Think of everything you wanted when you were young, and look where you are today. Doing this is a great way to remind yourself that you’re capable of achieving what you put your mind to, and it will boost your self-confidence and self-love.
3. 3. Limit triggers. After identifying what triggers your compare and despair mindset, find ways to limit them, so you can stop comparing. For example, if you notice that scrolling on your social media feed before bed isn’t healthy for you, try putting your phone in another room at bedtime.
4. 4. Practice gratitude and mindfulness. Implement tools that will help you remain present and content in your own life. Try starting a gratitude journal or practicing mindful meditation.
5. 5. Set goals for yourself. It’s easier to fall into the compare and despair trap if you don’t have goals for yourself. Setting goals can help you avoid comparing yourself to people on different life paths. For example, if you see someone buy a house and feel jealous, but your goal is to rent an apartment with your best friend, remind yourself that buying a home isn’t your near-term goal. Setting your goals can help you realize which things would make you happy.

Figuring out what you want to do next and how to get there? Learn how to embrace your passions with a MasterClass Annual Membership and find the grit to take control of your life with exclusive access to video lessons taught by the world’s best, including Robin Arzón, Elaine Welteroth, Hillary Rodham Clinton, RuPaul, and more.