How to Top: 5 Tips for Topping a Bottom

In human sexuality, top is a term that refers to a person who performs penetration during sexual intercourse, especially during anal sex. Top is most often used within the LGBTQ+ community to describe intercourse between gay men, though anyone of any sexual orientation or [gender identity](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/gender-identity-guide) can be a top or bottom. The term *top* is used in various other sexual contexts. *Top* and *bottom* sometimes refer to particular mindsets that people adopt during a sexual encounter or relationship. The top is typically more assertive or aggressive, and the bottom being more passive. In [BDSM](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/bdsm-explained), *top* and *bottom* may be used as synonyms for *dom* ([dominant](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-be-dominant)) and *sub* ([submissive](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/submissive-sex-tips)). *Top* and *bottom* can sometimes also refer to the particular position of a partner during intercourse, whether beneath or above the other. Here’s a step-by-step guide for giving penetration during intercourse, whether with a penis, your fingers, a [strap-on](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/strap-on-dildos-explained), or a hand toy: - __Begin with foreplay__. For the receiving partner to experience pleasurable penetration (whether vaginal or anal), their body will need to be adequately aroused, which increases blood flow to their groin and helps relax [pelvic floor muscles](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-do-pelvic-floor-exercises), vaginal muscles, and the sphincter muscles. Take the time to stimulate each other’s bodies—whether through kissing, touching, [fingering](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-finger-yourself), blow jobs, sex toys like butt plugs, [mutual masturbation](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/mutual-masturbation-tips), or watching pornography—before beginning any penetration. - __Start penetration gently__. To reduce the chance of causing discomfort or pain in your partner, start penetration gradually to help their muscles stretch and relax. You might start with a single finger or a small [butt plug](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/butt-plugs-guide)—using lots of lube—or other toy to help open up their vaginal or anal canal. If you notice the bottom’s body tensing, go even slower and ask them if they want to take a break. Take your time with gentle penetration, and only move on to larger objects (like a penis or a full-sized dildo) when you’re sure they’re feeling comfortable and ready. - __Vary your speed__. If you and your partner are both comfortably enjoying penetrative intercourse, you can begin to change the pace to match their energy level. If your partner enjoys slow, sensual intercourse, use long, slow, deliberate thrusts; if your partner wants rougher intercourse, alternate your slower strokes with harder, deeper thrusts. Read your partner’s body language to determine their ideal pace and position. Try to avoid one single speed, depth, or angle for too long—this can cause chafing or discomfort for your partner. - __Check in with your partner__. Periodically during intercourse, check in with your partner to ensure they’re receiving pleasurable sensations and aren’t feeling any pain. You may need to change angles or take a break for a while before continuing. Whether it’s your first time or your hundredth, here are some helpful tips for topping: 1. __Prioritize safe sex__. Penetration can carry high levels of risk for sexually transmitted infections and diseases (STIs/STDs), especially in the case of anal sex, since stretching the anus can cause small tears or fissures in the rectal walls. If you’re engaging in penetrative sex with a new partner with an unknown sexual history, it’s essential to take steps to protect yourself. Consider condoms and preventative medications like PrEP or “Pre-exposure prophylaxis,” a daily prescription pill that reduces the risk of HIV infection. 2. __Pay attention to your partner__. It may be hard for the penetrative partner to determine what feels good for the receiving partner or when a particular movement or angle causes discomfort or pain. During intercourse, a great top will pay close attention to their partner, to their words and body language, to ensure that the sexual experience is mutually pleasurable. Ask your partner what feels good, pay attention to their cues (for instance, if they beg you to go harder or grab your hips to pull you closer), and check in periodically to ensure everyone is having a good time. 3. __Experiment with different positions__. Being a top doesn’t mean you have to be physically above your partner during intercourse. Some positions (like [cowgirl](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/cowgirl-position-explained)/cowperson) put the receiving partner on the top. These positions better suit some bottoms since they allow the receiver to control the speed, angle, and penetration depth. They can also be especially arousing for tops who want to relinquish control or watch the bottom receive pleasure. When serving in the top role, avoid limiting yourself to positions based on location—experiment to determine what you (and your partner) like best. 4. __Use lots of lube__. Using [lube](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-use-lube) can help prevent discomfort, make you more aroused, and keep vaginal and anal tissue soft. You may need extra lube for anal play, since the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina. It's important that you not only put lube in the anus, but also on the outside of the condom, body part, or sex toy that you plan to use. (Silicone lube can wear down silicone toys, so use water-based lube instead.) 5. __Avoid getting hung up on the labels__. The terms *top* and *bottom* are helpful descriptors when talking about sexual intercourse—not official labels that determine what you should like or who you are as a person. Feel free to explore and experiment with topping and bottoming—learning to be a good top means knowing how to be a good bottom, and vice versa. If you enjoy both roles, feel free to change it up between sexual sessions or even in the middle of a particular sexual encounter—people who enjoy topping and bottoming are called “versatile,” “vers,” or “switches.” Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a [MasterClass Annual Membership](https://www.masterclass.com) and learn more about open <a href='https://masterclass.com/articles/robin-robertss-tips-for-effective-communication' target='_blank' class='mc-text--link' data-mc-segment-trigger='true' data-mc-segment-event-type='Article Page Click' data-event-obj='{"textTag":"p","href":"https://masterclass.com/articles/robin-robertss-tips-for-effective-communication","linkCopy":"communication","category":"automated-link"}' automatic='true'>communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast *Sex With Emily*). *Top* and *bottom* are two terms used to describe different roles that partners can take on during a sexual experience.